we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
