If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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