alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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