yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
