whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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