There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
