it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
