All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
