My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
