Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
