If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
