my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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