But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
