How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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