she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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