i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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