I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
