You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
