I'm so fucking centered right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
