Soap is not a condiment
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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