I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
