i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
