one two three fourrrrnication!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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