...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
