Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
