For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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