my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
