There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
