don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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