Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
