? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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