perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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