My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
