Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
