Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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