I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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