It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
