Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
