this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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