Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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