I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
