shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need water and some morals
Randomize
