two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
