Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
