I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
