i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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