I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
