i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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