And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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