We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
