Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
