i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
