oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
