there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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