Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
