Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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