Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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